1
00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:08,840
This programme contains very
strong language.

2
00:00:08,840 --> 00:00:12,840
Ma'am? What's happening? We off?

3
00:00:12,840 --> 00:00:16,240
Bird, I've got an exciting
new role for you.

4
00:00:16,240 --> 00:00:18,160
As my roommate!

5
00:00:18,160 --> 00:00:21,120
Had to vacate my quarters to make
way for our Afghan colleagues.

6
00:00:21,120 --> 00:00:23,960
So, here I am. Yay!

7
00:00:23,960 --> 00:00:26,400
What? But...

8
00:00:26,400 --> 00:00:29,880
OK, fine, but there is
definitely a "no yays" rule in here.

9
00:00:29,880 --> 00:00:33,080
Cheer up, Little Miss Grumpy!
It'll be fun.

10
00:00:34,160 --> 00:00:35,800
Good for team bonding.

11
00:00:35,800 --> 00:00:40,480
Oh, in fact, we should do what I did
with my last team, Facepack Friday.

12
00:00:40,480 --> 00:00:42,400
I'd rather do
Slash My Wrists Saturday.

13
00:00:42,400 --> 00:00:43,800
Mm, you'll come round to it.

14
00:00:43,800 --> 00:00:45,960
Mm, I won't.

15
00:00:45,960 --> 00:00:47,200
Whoa, what is that?

16
00:00:47,200 --> 00:00:49,600
Bunting? Sorry,
are we having a cake sale?

17
00:00:49,600 --> 00:00:52,400
Funny, Bird.

18
00:00:52,400 --> 00:00:55,240
Oh, now, where shall I put these?

19
00:00:55,240 --> 00:00:57,920
You're more than welcome to
borrow anything

20
00:00:57,920 --> 00:00:59,960
so we could set up a communal area.

21
00:01:24,440 --> 00:01:26,720
Just to clarify...Ma'am.

22
00:02:00,920 --> 00:02:02,880
Oh...

23
00:02:02,880 --> 00:02:05,800
Oh, morning, Bird!
What do you think?

24
00:02:05,800 --> 00:02:09,200
Um...it looks like a brothel
in the Cotswolds.

25
00:02:09,200 --> 00:02:12,520
How would you know?
Oh, gap year job, was it?

26
00:02:12,520 --> 00:02:14,440
See? Little joke.

27
00:02:14,440 --> 00:02:16,200
Fun. Tick!

28
00:02:18,200 --> 00:02:20,160
Oh, I really need to wash.

29
00:02:20,160 --> 00:02:22,320
Well, feel free to help yourself
to any of my stuff.

30
00:02:22,320 --> 00:02:24,480
In fact, you should borrow this.

31
00:02:24,480 --> 00:02:27,480
Uh. It's all right. I use soap.

32
00:02:27,480 --> 00:02:30,600
Not some kind of liquid fruit salad.

33
00:02:30,600 --> 00:02:33,680
Seriously, Bird,
it's like a bottled massage.

34
00:02:33,680 --> 00:02:34,920
Oh!

35
00:02:34,920 --> 00:02:36,280
Deodorant?

36
00:02:37,440 --> 00:02:39,440
Yellow paint? Hm?

37
00:02:45,760 --> 00:02:49,160
I'm putting the can...down.

38
00:02:50,480 --> 00:02:52,360
I'm putting my can down.

39
00:02:59,600 --> 00:03:01,440
The can is on the ground.

40
00:03:08,080 --> 00:03:09,800
Fun!

41
00:03:15,680 --> 00:03:18,680
100 packets of Screech,
proffed from the cookhouse.

42
00:03:18,680 --> 00:03:22,440
Best squash ever. And the hardest
soft drink known to man.

43
00:03:22,440 --> 00:03:26,360
We're going super-strength.
Five in a mug. Down in one.

44
00:03:26,360 --> 00:03:28,960

But I get up again

45
00:03:28,960 --> 00:03:30,840


46
00:03:30,840 --> 00:03:33,480

But I get up again

47
00:03:33,480 --> 00:03:35,360


48
00:03:35,360 --> 00:03:38,160

But I get up again

49
00:03:38,160 --> 00:03:39,960


50
00:03:39,960 --> 00:03:43,520

But I get up again...

51
00:03:43,520 --> 00:03:49,000
Ready? OK, three...two...one.

52
00:03:49,000 --> 00:03:53,400
Ho, ho, ho! It's Father Post-mas!

53
00:03:53,400 --> 00:03:56,240
Have you all been good boys
and girls?

54
00:03:56,240 --> 00:03:58,360
Just give us the post, Medal.

55
00:03:58,360 --> 00:04:01,880
Whoa! It's like being
punched in the face by an orange!

56
00:04:01,880 --> 00:04:04,160
There's a package
for you, Towerblock,

57
00:04:04,160 --> 00:04:05,640
and a letter for you, Mac.

58
00:04:07,200 --> 00:04:08,840
Is anyone else thirsty?

59
00:04:11,880 --> 00:04:13,480
It's from my da'.

60
00:04:16,880 --> 00:04:18,520
He's still not talking to me.

61
00:04:20,640 --> 00:04:22,840
How can a drink make you thirsty?

62
00:04:22,840 --> 00:04:25,520
This is like
when I went to the beach.

63
00:04:25,520 --> 00:04:30,720
Oh, mint! Ah, it's from the Missus.
For our anniversary.

64
00:04:30,720 --> 00:04:32,320
From the night we first met.

65
00:04:32,320 --> 00:04:34,440
Oh, that's actually quite romantic.

66
00:04:34,440 --> 00:04:36,720
And I shagged her at
the bus stop by Elland Road.

67
00:04:36,720 --> 00:04:37,840
That is less romantic.

68
00:04:37,840 --> 00:04:40,200
You don't know how much
she loves Leeds United.

69
00:04:41,320 --> 00:04:43,440
Sticky.

70
00:04:43,440 --> 00:04:45,040
Sticky!

71
00:04:45,040 --> 00:04:48,080
And here is my sexy promise
for when I get home.

72
00:04:48,080 --> 00:04:51,080
Are they used?
No, because she's classy.

73
00:04:51,080 --> 00:04:53,840
Yes, I got that from the bus stop.

74
00:04:53,840 --> 00:04:55,080
Wait up.

75
00:04:55,080 --> 00:04:58,320
Ah, no! No, no, no, no!

76
00:05:00,320 --> 00:05:03,360
She's shopping at fucking Waitrose!

77
00:05:03,360 --> 00:05:06,720
Why didn't she just send me
a parcel full of burnt fivers?

78
00:05:06,720 --> 00:05:10,360
To be fair, Waitrose do check their
prices against other supermarkets.

79
00:05:10,360 --> 00:05:12,840
And then go "Yup,
ours is definitely higher."

80
00:05:12,840 --> 00:05:15,600
I can't believe that she'd stab me
in the wallet like this.

81
00:05:15,600 --> 00:05:20,080
Ooh! Time for ANA bomb-tech
training. Got to protect the asset.

82
00:05:20,080 --> 00:05:21,880
Is that a euphemism for wanking?

83
00:05:21,880 --> 00:05:25,560
No, I'm Ellen's personal escort.

84
00:05:25,560 --> 00:05:27,720
It is a euphemism for wanking!

85
00:05:27,720 --> 00:05:31,480
No. In my professional opinion,

86
00:05:31,480 --> 00:05:34,640
the Afghan National Army
are dodgy bastards.

87
00:05:34,640 --> 00:05:37,040
You know what, I reckon the
ANA guys are all right. I mean,

88
00:05:37,040 --> 00:05:39,760
it must be tough having to fight
against the Taliban when they're

89
00:05:39,760 --> 00:05:43,840
from your own country and that
so we should probably give them
the benefit of the doubt. Aye?

90
00:05:49,160 --> 00:05:50,640
Corporal Lansley,

91
00:05:50,640 --> 00:05:53,440
you are joining the brave ANA
heroes for their training?

92
00:05:53,440 --> 00:05:58,200
Brave? Heroes? ANA?
Well, no, they are the ANA.

93
00:05:58,200 --> 00:06:01,080
I wouldn't leave the boss alone
with a single one of them.

94
00:06:01,080 --> 00:06:03,000
And today we're expecting 20.

95
00:06:05,160 --> 00:06:07,280
Well...

96
00:06:07,280 --> 00:06:09,480
Four. 20.

97
00:06:09,480 --> 00:06:12,080
Very similar,
as I say to the taxman.

98
00:06:14,400 --> 00:06:15,880
Tax.

99
00:06:17,280 --> 00:06:20,720
Yes, well, you only need
one wrong 'un.

100
00:06:23,200 --> 00:06:25,000
Like him.

101
00:06:25,000 --> 00:06:28,240
Why's he staring at us?
It's suspicious.

102
00:06:28,240 --> 00:06:30,760
That is Wakdar. He is the best!

103
00:06:30,760 --> 00:06:32,840
The only one who does not
smoke weed.

104
00:06:32,840 --> 00:06:35,440
Trying to stay sharp,
very suspicious.

105
00:06:35,440 --> 00:06:38,000
You think that all Afghan
people are suspicious.

106
00:06:38,000 --> 00:06:39,200
I do not!

107
00:06:39,200 --> 00:06:43,040
You're an Afghan and I
trust...that's a bad example.

108
00:06:43,040 --> 00:06:44,400
He's coming over.

109
00:06:46,000 --> 00:06:49,120
With respect, Corporal, we don't
really use the word "Afghan."

110
00:06:49,120 --> 00:06:53,160
I myself am Hazara,
and these two men

111
00:06:53,160 --> 00:06:56,400
are Pashtun, and he is Uzbek.

112
00:07:00,080 --> 00:07:01,560
That's interesting.

113
00:07:03,280 --> 00:07:05,320
By which I mean suspicious.

114
00:07:05,320 --> 00:07:07,920
Oh, is this it?
Disappointing turn out.

115
00:07:07,920 --> 00:07:12,400
Yes, rather like my 21st
birthday party.

116
00:07:12,400 --> 00:07:16,520
There'd been an incident
on the A131.

117
00:07:16,520 --> 00:07:18,840
People were stuck, not unwilling.

118
00:07:18,840 --> 00:07:20,920
Well, let's just crack on anyway.

119
00:07:20,920 --> 00:07:23,040
No cracking on, I'm afraid,
Captain Best.

120
00:07:23,040 --> 00:07:24,560
All training and Ops on hold.

121
00:07:24,560 --> 00:07:28,360
Some nut job Pastor in Florida's
set fire to 1,000 Korans

122
00:07:28,360 --> 00:07:30,440
and the Taliban are just
a teeny-tiny bit

123
00:07:30,440 --> 00:07:32,320
massively fucked off about it.

124
00:07:32,320 --> 00:07:34,240
The ANA must've got wind of it

125
00:07:34,240 --> 00:07:37,360
and decided to stay home.
Except this four.

126
00:07:37,360 --> 00:07:38,800
Suspicious.

127
00:07:40,160 --> 00:07:43,200
Might not be that bad, Sir.
Just a storm in a teacup.

128
00:07:43,200 --> 00:07:45,640
Might be more of a massacre
in a mug.

129
00:07:45,640 --> 00:07:49,400
To quote the great military
strategist, Carl von Clausewitz,

130
00:07:49,400 --> 00:07:50,960
"Shit just got real."

131
00:07:50,960 --> 00:07:53,360
Reports show the Taliban
are still moving south,

132
00:07:53,360 --> 00:07:55,120
so we've got a few hours to prepare.

133
00:07:55,120 --> 00:07:57,560
I'm Briefing at 0900 hours.
Carry on.

134
00:07:57,560 --> 00:08:02,840
Or rather don't carry on.
Carry on not carrying on.

135
00:08:04,080 --> 00:08:05,440
Carry on.

136
00:08:09,880 --> 00:08:13,720
I just had the biggest
piss of my life!

137
00:08:13,720 --> 00:08:17,240
And it was orange!
Like that Coldplay song, Yellow.

138
00:08:17,240 --> 00:08:18,880
But orange.

139
00:08:18,880 --> 00:08:21,040
Oh, more Screech, result!

140
00:08:22,560 --> 00:08:27,400
So, ten packets each -
straight in, no water.

141
00:08:27,400 --> 00:08:30,080
Bring it on!

142
00:08:30,080 --> 00:08:32,560
Towerblock? You in? I'd rather
she was having an affair.

143
00:08:32,560 --> 00:08:35,160
At least then someone else would be
paying for her dinner.

144
00:08:35,160 --> 00:08:37,640
So call her and tell her to stop
spunking away your cash.

145
00:08:37,640 --> 00:08:40,240
On our anniversary? Yeah, nice.

146
00:08:40,240 --> 00:08:42,600
You're tit-whipped.

147
00:08:42,600 --> 00:08:45,920
It's not that. If I was at home I'd
tell her, we'd have

148
00:08:45,920 --> 00:08:49,720
a bloody great row, then hot make-up
sex and it'd be sorted.

149
00:08:49,720 --> 00:08:52,160
But if I call her from here I just
get the row. So? Call her,

150
00:08:52,160 --> 00:08:53,680
have a row then a hot make-up wank!

151
00:08:53,680 --> 00:08:56,760
You remember when I didn't call her
for her birthday cos of Op Minimise?

152
00:08:56,760 --> 00:08:59,400
And she posted me
my signed Leeds United shirt?

153
00:09:00,920 --> 00:09:02,760
Drop dead, good advice!

154
00:09:02,760 --> 00:09:05,600
Come on! Are we doing this or not?

155
00:09:05,600 --> 00:09:08,720
Aye, all right. Ready?

156
00:09:08,720 --> 00:09:11,600
Three...two...

157
00:09:11,600 --> 00:09:15,120
Go! Guys, you've got to come
and see this.

158
00:09:15,120 --> 00:09:16,920
Is it another burst dog? Worse.

159
00:09:16,920 --> 00:09:18,200
Brilliant!

160
00:09:22,280 --> 00:09:25,080
I can't feel my tongue! Or my mouth!

161
00:09:30,840 --> 00:09:33,280
Nice.
She's brightened the place up a bit.

162
00:09:33,280 --> 00:09:37,120
Ah, definitely smells better
than our quarters. Less...semeny.

163
00:09:37,120 --> 00:09:39,760
You are shitting me!

164
00:09:39,760 --> 00:09:42,560
That is cunting bunting!

165
00:09:42,560 --> 00:09:44,000
What's going on?

166
00:09:44,000 --> 00:09:46,720
Ooh! Fairy lights! Nice.

167
00:09:46,720 --> 00:09:48,240
Why is no-one on my side here?

168
00:09:48,240 --> 00:09:50,960
You do know she wants us
all to do fucking Facepack Friday?

169
00:09:50,960 --> 00:09:54,920
Brilliant. When? Oh, Friday!

170
00:09:54,920 --> 00:09:56,680
Could be good for team bonding?

171
00:09:56,680 --> 00:09:58,880
And my sensitive Glaswegian skin.

172
00:09:58,880 --> 00:10:01,320
Civvies go paintballing
for team bonding.

173
00:10:01,320 --> 00:10:03,280
We are in an actual fucking war!

174
00:10:03,280 --> 00:10:04,360
Not that you'd know it

175
00:10:04,360 --> 00:10:07,120
looking at Helmand's answer
to Cath-cocking-Kidston!

176
00:10:07,120 --> 00:10:10,440
But isn't the best thing about being
a girl getting to have all this?

177
00:10:10,440 --> 00:10:14,160
Just because I have
a vagina doesn't mean

178
00:10:14,160 --> 00:10:17,720
I have to like all this wafty shit!

179
00:10:17,720 --> 00:10:19,680
Maybe you should try girling
up a bit, Bird.

180
00:10:19,680 --> 00:10:22,240
Facepack Friday might
chill you the fuck out.

181
00:10:22,240 --> 00:10:24,280
I don't need to chill the fuck out!

182
00:10:27,600 --> 00:10:31,960
That will be all,
thank you, gentlemen.

183
00:10:31,960 --> 00:10:33,960
You are excused.

184
00:10:35,240 --> 00:10:36,480
Out!

185
00:10:57,400 --> 00:10:59,680
So thanks to this
Koran-burning bell-end,

186
00:10:59,680 --> 00:11:02,360
we're going to see some action,
and it's going to be tight.

187
00:11:02,360 --> 00:11:05,040
We're low on members after most
of the Afghan National Army

188
00:11:05,040 --> 00:11:06,440
have phoned in with a bad case of,

189
00:11:06,440 --> 00:11:08,400
"Holy shit, I'm staying
well out of this."

190
00:11:08,400 --> 00:11:10,440
Only a loyal few have turned up.

191
00:11:10,440 --> 00:11:13,600
Loyal? More like the enemy within.

192
00:11:13,600 --> 00:11:17,600
Simon! The ANA are valuable
allies in the fight against terror.

193
00:11:20,200 --> 00:11:23,400
Oh, you weren't joking!
Actually, he may have a point.

194
00:11:23,400 --> 00:11:26,000
There was a green on blue
at PB Hockley this morning.

195
00:11:26,000 --> 00:11:28,720
No British casualties but three ANA.

196
00:11:28,720 --> 00:11:32,040
Intelligence indicates the attack
on the base is due early afternoon.

197
00:11:32,040 --> 00:11:33,680
And, by intelligence, I mean a text

198
00:11:33,680 --> 00:11:35,840
from Faruq's cousin's
second wife's nephew.

199
00:11:35,840 --> 00:11:38,800
He is very funny on Twitter.
You should follow him.

200
00:11:38,800 --> 00:11:41,280
So we have time to build
up our defences and,

201
00:11:41,280 --> 00:11:43,360
most importantly,
have an early lunch.

202
00:11:43,360 --> 00:11:45,520
What's the first rule? Lunch. Now,
the briefing.

203
00:11:45,520 --> 00:11:47,040
I'm afraid I haven't had much time,

204
00:11:47,040 --> 00:11:48,960
so please excuse the crudity
of this model.

205
00:11:50,760 --> 00:11:52,960
Oh, Sir!

206
00:11:52,960 --> 00:11:54,360
OK, we need to pinpoint

207
00:11:54,360 --> 00:11:57,680
their mortar positions
and firing points or else...

208
00:12:00,360 --> 00:12:04,040
Terribly sorry, Corporal Lansley,
I seem to have set you on fire.

209
00:12:04,040 --> 00:12:05,680
That's quite all right, Sir.

210
00:12:14,560 --> 00:12:17,040
Right,
we need to get this down ASAP.

211
00:12:17,040 --> 00:12:19,920
Whoa, custard and ketchup,
is that going to stay down?

212
00:12:19,920 --> 00:12:23,400
Yeah! It all tastes of chemical
orange anyway. It's delicious.

213
00:12:24,640 --> 00:12:26,320
Called your wife yet, Towerblock?

214
00:12:26,320 --> 00:12:28,480
It's very much at the top
of my to-don't list.

215
00:12:28,480 --> 00:12:33,400
Ahh! Hey, there, roomie! Bunk buddy!

216
00:12:33,400 --> 00:12:35,440
What's going on, sister?

217
00:12:35,440 --> 00:12:37,200
OK, Bird. Good you're trying
a new look,

218
00:12:37,200 --> 00:12:39,080
but that is well in breach
of Queen's regs.

219
00:12:39,080 --> 00:12:41,680
And that lip gloss clashes.
Oh, does it?

220
00:12:41,680 --> 00:12:44,240
Oh, epic fail,

221
00:12:44,240 --> 00:12:48,360
But we can talk about it
at Facepack Friday! Yay!

222
00:12:48,360 --> 00:12:50,440
Are you up for that now?
When is that again?

223
00:12:50,440 --> 00:12:54,840
And afterwards we can totally do
each other's nails in our jammies!

224
00:12:54,840 --> 00:12:56,360
My head is confused!

225
00:12:56,360 --> 00:12:58,400
Right, those are mine!

226
00:12:58,400 --> 00:13:01,400
Sorry, Ma'am, but you did say
I could help myself to your stuff!

227
00:13:01,400 --> 00:13:03,640
Yes. I did. No, correct statement.

228
00:13:03,640 --> 00:13:06,960
But I didn't mean...
Just take them off, Bird!

229
00:13:06,960 --> 00:13:08,200
Oh!

230
00:13:08,200 --> 00:13:09,480
But if I'm not all girlie,

231
00:13:09,480 --> 00:13:12,120
then how will be able to bond
with the rest of my team?

232
00:13:12,120 --> 00:13:14,240
OK, Bird, clearly you think that
being a woman

233
00:13:14,240 --> 00:13:15,800
means being an idiot, or weak.

234
00:13:15,800 --> 00:13:21,240
No, Ma'am, women are strong.
People take women seriously.

235
00:13:21,240 --> 00:13:24,440
Boudicca. Brienne of Tarth.

236
00:13:26,600 --> 00:13:28,480
Beyonce...with a gun!

237
00:13:28,480 --> 00:13:32,720
Want that!
Womanly, fine. Girlie, not fine.

238
00:13:32,720 --> 00:13:37,640
Oh. Oh, silly me, that hand cream
has made my hands slippery-wippery!

239
00:13:37,640 --> 00:13:40,600
If this carries on, I'm going to
need to go and crack one off!

240
00:13:40,600 --> 00:13:42,880
Bird, you think we can discuss this
when we don't have

241
00:13:42,880 --> 00:13:45,280
an attack imminent? Do you have
to sit so close, Simon?!

242
00:13:45,280 --> 00:13:48,240
There is a wrong 'un back there
and I am not taking any chances.

243
00:13:48,240 --> 00:13:51,880
Simon, they're stoned
but you're the one who's paranoid.

244
00:13:51,880 --> 00:13:54,680
Frankly, Bird, I can't take you
seriously looking like that.

245
00:13:54,680 --> 00:13:55,960
Point proved!

246
00:13:55,960 --> 00:13:58,120
We need to be in defensive
positions in 15 minutes.

247
00:13:58,120 --> 00:13:59,600
Go and change.

248
00:13:59,600 --> 00:14:04,280
Good. Cos all this girlie shit is
making me feel really...

249
00:14:06,160 --> 00:14:08,120
Hey up, ANA approaching.

250
00:14:11,240 --> 00:14:12,640
As a gesture of friendship,

251
00:14:12,640 --> 00:14:15,480
I would like to offer you
these traditional Hazara cakes.

252
00:14:15,480 --> 00:14:16,840
I made them myself.

253
00:14:16,840 --> 00:14:19,800
Oh, really?
That's very nice. Wakdar, is it?

254
00:14:19,800 --> 00:14:22,600
Yes, Wakdar.

255
00:14:22,600 --> 00:14:26,560
That's very kind. Very kind indeed.

256
00:14:26,560 --> 00:14:30,280
Goodbye. See you later.

257
00:14:30,280 --> 00:14:31,720
No!

258
00:14:32,960 --> 00:14:34,720
They could be poisoned!

259
00:14:34,720 --> 00:14:38,800
Well, if they are,
it's delicious poison. Lemony.

260
00:14:38,800 --> 00:14:40,560
No, orange.

261
00:14:41,840 --> 00:14:43,040
Oh...

262
00:14:43,040 --> 00:14:45,480
CRASHES LOUDLY

263
00:14:45,480 --> 00:14:46,600
Corporal Bird.

264
00:14:46,600 --> 00:14:49,840
It is not your place to talk to me
like that in front of the team.

265
00:14:49,840 --> 00:14:53,400
Well, CAPTAIN Best, it is not your
place to tell me how to be a woman.

266
00:14:53,400 --> 00:14:55,600
Well, you're being
so weird about it.

267
00:14:55,600 --> 00:14:57,440
What is wrong with being feminine?

268
00:14:57,440 --> 00:15:00,200
The Taliban are on their way
to kill us. With guns.

269
00:15:00,200 --> 00:15:03,520
I propose to stop then.
With guns, not hand cream.

270
00:15:03,520 --> 00:15:04,760
Bird, it's not an either-or.

271
00:15:04,760 --> 00:15:07,200
You can fight the Taliban
and still take care of your skin.

272
00:15:07,200 --> 00:15:09,520
You should totally write
adverts for Dove.

273
00:15:09,520 --> 00:15:13,000
I'm serious. And so am I.
I'm not doing Facepack Friday.

274
00:15:13,000 --> 00:15:15,840
Bird, Facepack Friday
is not about pampering.

275
00:15:15,840 --> 00:15:19,240
It's about feeling part of the team
and your face feeling amazing.

276
00:15:19,240 --> 00:15:20,520
Part of the team?

277
00:15:20,520 --> 00:15:24,080
Since day one, I have been shot at
with the team,

278
00:15:24,080 --> 00:15:25,720
been blown up with team.

279
00:15:25,720 --> 00:15:28,560
I turned down promotion
to stay with the team.

280
00:15:28,560 --> 00:15:31,280
And I think someone feels
threatened by that.

281
00:15:31,280 --> 00:15:34,960
And I think someone
is threatened by this.

282
00:15:34,960 --> 00:15:37,160
I'm not threatened by it.

283
00:15:37,160 --> 00:15:39,240
I just don't fucking like it...

284
00:15:41,920 --> 00:15:43,240
..Ma'am.

285
00:15:43,240 --> 00:15:45,040
Shall we go
and fight the Taliban now?

286
00:15:45,040 --> 00:15:47,520
Well, I'm going to have
to shoot something.

287
00:16:21,000 --> 00:16:22,200
Come on, Skip.

288
00:16:22,200 --> 00:16:24,960
There's already been a green on blue
so there'll no' be another.

289
00:16:24,960 --> 00:16:26,560
They're like buses, Rocket.

290
00:16:26,560 --> 00:16:29,360
You wait ages
and then three come at once.

291
00:16:29,360 --> 00:16:31,640
And the third one's always
full of sick.

292
00:16:33,480 --> 00:16:36,920
Trust me.
Wakdar's the type to hold a grudge.

293
00:16:36,920 --> 00:16:39,720
Just because some Yank burns a book.

294
00:16:39,720 --> 00:16:41,760
The Koran is the Holy Word of Allah.

295
00:16:41,760 --> 00:16:44,560
To disrespect it is
to disrespect God himself.

296
00:16:44,560 --> 00:16:45,960
Well, I think that's a bit...

297
00:16:45,960 --> 00:16:48,960
I cannot believe how little you
understand of our culture.

298
00:16:48,960 --> 00:16:51,040
You've been in our country
for ten years now.

299
00:16:51,040 --> 00:16:52,600
Well, not personally but...

300
00:16:52,600 --> 00:16:55,600
And still you are as ignorant
as the day you came.

301
00:16:55,600 --> 00:16:58,160
You should fear
the anger of an offended man.

302
00:17:01,880 --> 00:17:03,360
Everyone hear that?

303
00:17:05,120 --> 00:17:07,120
Practically a signed confession.

304
00:17:08,600 --> 00:17:10,040
Rocket?

305
00:17:11,040 --> 00:17:13,880
Rocket? Huh?
Is my tongue still orange?

306
00:17:13,880 --> 00:17:15,120
Cos my jobbies are.

307
00:17:16,120 --> 00:17:17,400
And they're fizzy.

308
00:17:27,560 --> 00:17:30,080
Towerblock! You're with us!

309
00:17:30,080 --> 00:17:34,040
Fucking hell.
You still not called her?

310
00:17:34,040 --> 00:17:36,480
I just don't know how to say
"Happy anniversary,

311
00:17:36,480 --> 00:17:39,200
"and stop spending my money,"
in one phone call.

312
00:17:39,200 --> 00:17:42,480
Like that - "Happy anniversary,
stop spending my money." Job done.

313
00:17:42,480 --> 00:17:45,040
Yeah, job done and wife fucked off!

314
00:17:45,040 --> 00:17:49,360
Towerblock, you've got to get
this done. Let's practice.

315
00:17:49,360 --> 00:17:50,760
I'll be you, you be her.

316
00:17:50,760 --> 00:17:52,040
Oh, don't be daft.

317
00:17:52,040 --> 00:17:55,320
Boo-beep. Boo-beep-boop.
Beep boop.

318
00:17:56,840 --> 00:17:59,120
Brrr.

319
00:17:59,120 --> 00:18:00,640
Brrr, brrr.

320
00:18:00,640 --> 00:18:03,160
Mac, we're expecting
an attack any minute!

321
00:18:03,160 --> 00:18:04,920
Brrr, brrr.

322
00:18:07,040 --> 00:18:08,560
Brrr, brrr.

323
00:18:10,600 --> 00:18:12,720
Brrr, brrr... Hello?

324
00:18:12,720 --> 00:18:16,800
Hey up, Mrs Towerblock, it's me,
Mr Towerblock.

325
00:18:16,800 --> 00:18:18,320
Happy anniversary.

326
00:18:18,320 --> 00:18:19,760
I don't sound anything like that.

327
00:18:19,760 --> 00:18:21,760
Stop fucking spending me money

328
00:18:21,760 --> 00:18:25,520
or when I get back I won't give you
any Towercock for a month.

329
00:18:25,520 --> 00:18:27,800
All right, all right! I will call.

330
00:18:27,800 --> 00:18:30,960
Just stop doing that stupid voice.

331
00:18:30,960 --> 00:18:32,360
It's your stupid voice.

332
00:18:42,240 --> 00:18:44,840
SOUND OF DISTANT GUNFIRE

333
00:18:44,840 --> 00:18:47,000
Oh, thank fuck for that.

334
00:18:47,000 --> 00:18:48,400
ALARM BLARES

335
00:19:00,520 --> 00:19:03,360
Charlie, one, one.
This is diamond, zero, alpha.

336
00:19:03,360 --> 00:19:06,000
Reference - my fire mission.
Sierra, one, three.

337
00:19:06,000 --> 00:19:09,400
Request immediate fire support.
Acknowledge. Over.

338
00:19:10,400 --> 00:19:12,560
Thank you so much. Out.

339
00:19:19,720 --> 00:19:22,280
Skip, the enemy's this way!

340
00:19:22,280 --> 00:19:24,000
Are they?

341
00:19:29,680 --> 00:19:31,480
RPG!

342
00:19:42,440 --> 00:19:44,080
They're going for the rear gate!

343
00:19:47,680 --> 00:19:50,200
Shit! Wakdar's going to let them in!

344
00:20:01,880 --> 00:20:05,560
Wakdar! Stop! Drop your weapon!
But... Now! They're at the gate!

345
00:20:05,560 --> 00:20:07,200
I know! And they're not coming in!

346
00:20:07,200 --> 00:20:09,720
Yes, they are!
Fuck! You could have said!

347
00:20:16,280 --> 00:20:18,280
How many inside? I counted four!

348
00:20:18,280 --> 00:20:19,520
Shit! This is my fault.

349
00:20:19,520 --> 00:20:22,080
Don't blame yourself, Skip.
We'll do that for you later.

350
00:20:23,120 --> 00:20:25,880
Towerblock, cover the gate.
Mac, that way!

351
00:20:25,880 --> 00:20:27,080
Wakdar, on me.

352
00:20:33,120 --> 00:20:34,400
Shite.

353
00:21:13,360 --> 00:21:16,280
Shit! Where's that coming from?

354
00:21:27,840 --> 00:21:30,000
Not today, thank you.

355
00:21:46,800 --> 00:21:49,320
Agh! Shit!

356
00:21:50,560 --> 00:21:53,040
Shit! Agh!

357
00:21:54,560 --> 00:21:57,320
Bird! Are you OK?! Agh! Urgh!

358
00:21:57,320 --> 00:22:00,240
I'm covered in peach foam!

359
00:22:00,240 --> 00:22:02,080
Well, you smell terrific.

360
00:22:09,120 --> 00:22:10,720
Shite! Wanker!

361
00:22:29,800 --> 00:22:30,920
He's still moving.

362
00:22:33,200 --> 00:22:34,600
Medic!

363
00:22:41,160 --> 00:22:44,120
Simon, are we clear?

364
00:22:44,120 --> 00:22:45,800
Grenade!

365
00:22:48,640 --> 00:22:50,200
Simon. You just...

366
00:22:52,720 --> 00:22:54,240
Saved your life?

367
00:22:54,240 --> 00:23:00,760
Well, depending on the grenade
variant, blast radius. So...

368
00:23:00,760 --> 00:23:02,480
Thank you.

369
00:23:03,640 --> 00:23:05,600
You can let go of me now.

370
00:23:05,600 --> 00:23:07,360
Oh. Clear!

371
00:23:10,360 --> 00:23:11,760
Well done.

372
00:23:11,760 --> 00:23:13,360
All clear!

373
00:23:13,360 --> 00:23:14,800
Good.

374
00:23:14,800 --> 00:23:17,080
We made a good team in the end,
did we not?

375
00:23:18,360 --> 00:23:21,120
We did, Wakdar. Like ham and eggs.

376
00:23:22,360 --> 00:23:24,320
Sorry, you don't eat ham, do you?

377
00:23:24,320 --> 00:23:27,120
Do you eat eggs?

378
00:23:27,120 --> 00:23:29,920
Maybe it is time you learned
more about my culture.

379
00:23:31,920 --> 00:23:33,280
Oh, wow.

380
00:23:35,480 --> 00:23:36,680
The Koran.

381
00:23:38,520 --> 00:23:39,960
Um...

382
00:23:50,840 --> 00:23:53,800
Exit Wounds by Andy McNab.

383
00:23:56,080 --> 00:23:57,840
I shall treasure it.

384
00:23:57,840 --> 00:24:00,520
Assalaamu Alaikum, Simon Lansley.

385
00:24:00,520 --> 00:24:03,280
Live long and...

386
00:24:04,680 --> 00:24:06,120
..prosper...

387
00:24:06,120 --> 00:24:07,440
(Wakdar.)

388
00:24:22,720 --> 00:24:26,280
Are you snorting Screech?
That is fucking insane.

389
00:24:26,280 --> 00:24:29,080
Only cos I want to, mind.
Not because I need to.

390
00:24:29,080 --> 00:24:32,400
I don't.
I could give up Screech any time.

391
00:24:32,400 --> 00:24:33,520
Nae bother.

392
00:24:34,600 --> 00:24:36,320
So?

393
00:24:36,320 --> 00:24:39,640
Her spending spree is over
cos now she's gone

394
00:24:39,640 --> 00:24:42,880
and spent all my money
on a new Mini.

395
00:24:42,880 --> 00:24:47,720
A new Mini! What? Your tits must be
red raw. She is good.

396
00:24:47,720 --> 00:24:51,320
Fuck it, she deserves some fun.
Me away all the time.

397
00:24:51,320 --> 00:24:53,920
Aye, she probably bought
it as a penis substitute for you.

398
00:24:53,920 --> 00:24:55,680
Well, it is a Mini!

399
00:24:56,760 --> 00:24:58,200
Piss off!

400
00:24:58,200 --> 00:25:02,200
Right, final Screech challenge.
One line each.

401
00:25:02,200 --> 00:25:05,960
Three...two...one...

402
00:25:05,960 --> 00:25:07,840
Well done, Bluestone 42!

403
00:25:07,840 --> 00:25:08,960
Top work all round.

404
00:25:10,560 --> 00:25:15,000
God, it's burning behind my eyes!
But it hurts so good!

405
00:25:16,600 --> 00:25:20,080
Yes, do fall out, Private.
It's been that sort of day.

406
00:25:20,080 --> 00:25:23,120
Overall, lots of swift tactical
decisions. Attack repelled.

407
00:25:23,120 --> 00:25:24,480
Big tick. Top of the class.

408
00:25:25,720 --> 00:25:28,760
Although you can't all be
top of the class so...

409
00:25:30,360 --> 00:25:32,400
No. The point is good
instincts all round.

410
00:25:32,400 --> 00:25:35,280
Instincts. Yes, thank you.

411
00:25:37,320 --> 00:25:40,440
What? I was right about the ANA.
There was a wrong 'un.

412
00:25:40,440 --> 00:25:45,320
But you got the wrong wrong 'un.
Maybe, but my instincts... No.

413
00:25:45,320 --> 00:25:48,000
If you'd just left it
then your wrong wrong 'un

414
00:25:48,000 --> 00:25:51,080
would've stopped the right wrong 'un
from wronging all over the place.

415
00:25:54,240 --> 00:25:55,760
Are you all right, Rocket?

416
00:26:00,000 --> 00:26:01,640
Aye. I'm fine, boss.

417
00:26:01,640 --> 00:26:04,400
Good. Anyway, stressful day.

418
00:26:04,400 --> 00:26:05,960
You know what we should do.

419
00:26:12,120 --> 00:26:15,080
This was an excellent idea, boss.

420
00:26:15,080 --> 00:26:16,720
Aye, mint.

421
00:26:17,720 --> 00:26:19,440
Gleaming.

422
00:26:19,440 --> 00:26:23,720
I have always enjoyed whiting up.
Very humorous in my culture.

423
00:26:25,640 --> 00:26:27,040
And you get a snack, too.

424
00:26:29,120 --> 00:26:31,240
Good work, Captain Best.

425
00:26:32,840 --> 00:26:35,720
You enjoying the team-bonding, Bird?
I knew you'd come round to it.

426
00:26:37,240 --> 00:26:40,360
How is it bonding when one
of the team fucking hates it?

427
00:26:40,360 --> 00:26:43,160
Because the rest of the team really
had to pull together

428
00:26:43,160 --> 00:26:46,200
to get you in that chair.
You cheated. You used brute force.

429
00:26:46,200 --> 00:26:50,160
Well, what do you expect, Bird?
We're soldiers. Not Barbie dolls.

430
00:26:50,160 --> 00:26:52,320
Oh!

431
00:26:52,320 --> 00:26:54,720
Yay! Get off me!

432
00:26:54,720 --> 00:26:56,760
Don't fight me,
you'll do yourself a mischief!

433
00:26:56,760 --> 00:26:58,400
You're violating me...